Understanding self-esteem for the Chinese

By Jianyu Hou Freelancer based in Cleveland, OH. USA

A DJ (disc jockey), who had worked for a radio station in the United States for more than twenty years, had contacted me on WeChat to seek a recommendation on a reliable and affordable smartphone, because the iPhone was too expensive for him.

He had a great job with plenty of fame, but he couldn't afford an Apple device, especially since I had observed many Chinese from all walks holding their iPhones on buses, construction fields and business tables.

To be honest, I couldn't afford one either, but I told others that its operating system was inadequate in order to protect my self-esteem. Then the DJ showed a "Made-in-China" generic smartphone picture with a Taobao shop logo, asking if he should order it. "You should buy Xiaomi," I said, "if you care about the price."

Accordingly, many Chinese are reluctant to say something is too expensive, since that would disclose their financial weakness, which is not considered polite. They won't admit they didn't buy something because they couldn't afford it, but give another reason instead.

# Chinese care about self-esteem to save face

In a high-context culture, people talk concisely to avoid conflicts in public and to make the atmosphere harmonious. High-context culture demands discerning listeners, but creates misunderstandings.

Respecting people's self-esteem is known as "mian zi" (面子) culture in Chinese can be explained as one's reputation and feelings. The key to deal with the Chinese is not to let them lose face.

# "Mian zi" culture has its advantages and disadvantages

A good quality of "mian zi" culture means higher self-esteem leads to higher standards. It's harder to hear praise from Chinese parents than from Americans, since Chinese parents have high expectations for their children. Nevertheless, it's easier to hear Chinese parents bragging about their children's achievements in front of others.

Self-esteem culture has contributed to strict parenting. Parents feel their children win face for the family if they perform well at school or at work, and lose face if they don't meet their expectations.

Working hard for "mian zi" motivates Chinese children, but it ignores the children's individuality. If they are not successful career or academic wise, they feel ashamed.

Yet, it's rare to see homeless people on the streets in China. Shame keeps the Chinese away from showing their weakness in public. Once in a blue moon you may see some beggars, but they are more likely-controlled by gangsters than themselves.

Unfortunately, many Chinese love to show off their wealth to win face. Some people don't lead their lives on a budget. Several years ago, a young Chinese man sold one of his kidneys to buy an iPhone. That's called, "puff oneself up at one's own cost." (死要面子活受罪。)

These circumstances should help outsiders to recognize the importance of self-esteem for the Chinese. If you are not Chinese but communicating with the Chinese, please allow them to show a good face in public.

(This article was first published on Panview Channel, CCTV.com)

( The opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Panview or CCTV.com. )